This HR dept doesn’t negotiate with Terrorists.
pointing fingers about being unprofessional while using comic sans, shit
woulda stole the bitches sandwich too
No matter how sad you may get, it’s always passing. You may wake up blue, and by the afternoon, everything will be rosey. Sadness is a strange companion. And a nuisance. So try not to pay it too much mind. And be present in your happy moments — and weigh them against the sad. It’s all worth it. And you will arrive somewhere wonderful with peace in your heart.
All my love and hope to you, young lady.
|—||Paul Banks, letter to a fan (via paulbaenks)|
i’ll be like 40 w/no kids and people will say “aw i’m so sorry for you” and i’ll be like how was the fucking wiggles reunion tour asshole i went to italy last week for fun and didn’t have to hire a sitter
This is a very sad mentality. To think oneself more important than that of progeny is the sign of a failed human life.
so the wiggles concert wasn’t as good as you thought it would be huh
Living with a dog is like having a furry drunk person following you around all the time.
I can actually sense a dog in my future.
Dogs are seriously the best thing on this planet.
googled “dog swearing” and wasn’t disappointed
His fucking look of determination. Like, “you’re going to fucking jail Greg.”
I’ve decided I want to be cremated. Not when I die, just whenever. Surprise me.
HELLO MAILMAN, THIS IS DOG. I AM HERE TO ASSIST MY HUMAN IN FETCHING THE MAIL. WOULD YOU BE SO KIND AND INSERT ALL ENVELOPES INTO MY MOUTH? THANK YOU, SIR. HAVE A LOVELY DAY. LOOK, HUMAN! I HAS MAIL!
I’m pretty sure I’ve reblogged this before and certain I should reblog it again
I just want to lie in bed and not participate in life
trying to explain to my mother that it’s more of an insult than anything to say to somebody that they are beautiful aside from their piercings and tattoos is not an easy feat
"this song woud be good if he sang these words instead and there was no piano"
"this movie would be good if it had a completely different storyline"
"that’d be a good idea if it wasn’t a dumb one"
"this pizza would be great if it tasted entirely different than it does"